Addition by Subtraction

It can be difficult to be excited about the additions the Sox made this offseason. Rewind the clocks 10 years, and maybe I'd be excited about Jones and Vizquel, but now they are no different than the next guy. But let me tell you why the Sox will be easier to watch this year even if it turns out we aren't any better. It's simple addition by subtraction.

Goodbye Jose Contreras: No more half-hour innings. No more 56ft forkballs.

Goodbye Jim Thome: No more warning track singles.

Goodbye Jermaine Dye: No more "nagging" injuries.

Goodbye Wilson Betemit: No more lazy swings. No more errors from the DH position. No more questioning if his goggles were actually prescription.

Goodbye Scott Podesednik: No more baserunning blunders, easy pickoffs. No more softball swings. No more hearing of his wife. (wait a minute!)

Goodbye Octavio Dotel: No more allowing base runners to steal at will. No more allowing said base runners to inevitably score.

Goodbye Scott Linebrink: Wait, we actually kept this guy...

Goodbye Brian Anderson: No more whining.

Goodbye Josh Fields: No more swings so ugly they make Charles Barkley's look smooth. No more stone hands, slow feet, errant throws. No more sleepless nights wondering how a guy can be in the majors and not be able to catch up with an average fastball.

And one last, sarcastic goodbye to Bartolo Colon. For who knows why he was on the team to begin with.